Another sleepless night. Tried to sleep but things are bothering me. I will put it all behind me but for now. I'm really dissapointed and depressed.



October is full of negativity for me. First of all. I have to say my relationship was fucked long ago long before October. Now to sum up my miserable life, there are a few more fuckers. I won't say names so don't bother asking.

My Band Ethe'Real  also known as Yi Shi Jie  has also undergone a big change. The tall tall vocalist and the short short bassist had left the band due to their personal uniqueness. It is hard to find a good vocalist these days... I guess I have to help out for the time being.

My Job isn't going on too well either. But I am thankful and touched that there are many who realizes my talents and accepts my flaws.

I will as usual, overcome these issues.
and as for fucked up people, continue being scums. If you look back in history. You'll understand I'm not the only person that reacts in such a manner. The problem is YOU!!



A New facebook FC has been created for me so it's easier to keep track and send updates on events and wadever discussions. Feel free to JOIN

Looking foward to thursday :P~  It's been sometime & I can't WAIT!!!!!

Life is meaningless.
There's nothing for me to look foward to.
There's nothing left for me
There's nothing I need
It is colorless, tasteless and dull.

I wish to die
I wish to be nothing
I wish to restart my life
But it's too late.
Everything has been burnt into my soul.
Every happiness I can ever have
Every sadness I can withstand.
I had enough.

Please take me away from here

There are times when I look at something random like a tree, a bench, the sky or the grass. They give me a sudden sweet feel of happiness. A feeling I havn't felt for a very long time... Feelings like how simple life would be. How neat and simple a bookshop felt on a simple weekday afternoon.


The way the sunlight bounces off the white walls. The smell of the air during Christmas. The lazy afternoons where you just lie there in bed feeling contented.

Sadly, some of these feelings don't come that often anymore. These are he consequences of being a grown up. The exchange of a carefree life for a life with full of expectations and burdens. I can't sleep without thinking of what horrors the future bring. 

Uncertainty....

How will a human find true happiness?
People search for it through their entire life and end up failing.
Those who succeed in being contented in life are usually those who find meaning through simple things they do everday, like chilling out with friends, modifying their cars, playing music. etc..

My best friend seems very happy and satisfied with his life just modifying his car every now and then. LOL. Cars play an important role in his life. I'm quite sure he'll live a very  fullfilled life.

What makes me happy? Living a lifestyle of my expectations. I know it will never come true. I can already imagine how things are going to end. I dread it. I try to change it. But I am out ideas and energy.

It's almost a year since SB finals. Doing music is tough in SG. Somehow deep in me I know what is installed for me in the future.  I'll just have to continue what I set out to do from the beginning and die without regrets...

Soon everything will not matter anymore....

Pls this clip is only for people who have a strong stomache!!! I almost puked.. FUCK!!!

http://www.bestgore.com/road-accidents/vietnam-police-officer-cut-in-half-after-bad-accident-extremely-graphic-video/

 

FUCK!!!

 

 

 

..... FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

.......OH SHIT!!! FUCK!!!!!!

The Gazette  ガゼット  - DIM

This album Kicks Ass!!!
As much as I liked Direngrey's Uroboros, I have to say I like this as much~

I wasn't a gazette fan before... their songs just failed to appeal to me, maybe back then there was only "Filth In The Beauty" that caught my attention. Their last album showed some promising songs like "Chizuru & Hyena" which I felt had very strong flavours of the band. This album has showed how the band matured. Now into a dark metal band with haunting tunes and master remixing. I'm truely impressed by their songs and the sound enginering.
Oh not to forget they don't look overly VK compared to before which I prefer ;)

Track listing

1. 「剥離」 Hakuri - 1:43   
2. THE INVISIBLE WALL - 4:35 
3. A MOTH UNDER THE SKIN - 2:57
4. LEECH - 4:15
5. 泣ヶ原 Nakigahara - 7:19
6. 「エ リ カ」 Erika - 0:53
7. HEADACHE MAN - 3:54
8. 紅蓮 Guren - 5:40
9. 「子宮」 Shikyuu - 0:43
10. 13STAIRS[-]1 - 5:02
11. DISTRESS AND COMA - 5:20
12. 「感触」 Kanshoku - 0:52
13. 白き優鬱 Shiroki Yuutsu - 4:29
14. IN THE MIDDLE OF CHAOS - 3:02
15. 「朦朧」 Mourou - 0:23
16. OGRE - 3:14
17. DIM SCENE - 5:12

those in red are my favorite tracks.
They Inspire me...
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WHEN YOU REALIZED

Is it too late?
Is it pointless?
Is it going to be the same?

I've never expected things to feel like this, I've always felt that things would get better.
But I don't see how it will. I'm too weak to do anything.  Powerless.... against fate.
Is this all a joke in my life?

No one will know what I'm talking about because I've learnt through lessons to keep things to myself. Some gossip mongers and people who are just out to get you will bend your words and exagerate everything. So sometimes it's best to keep everything inside. No one knows what you're thinking, No one can quote you or your words won't offend anyone. Sometimes speaking your mind doesn't work even if it's best to speak the truth all the time.

Truth hurts most of the time. Why? Because we are always living a lie. Truth is you're not as good as you think. Truth is you're not as good looking as you are. Truth is you you're kinda useless. Truth is everyone's sick of you.  Truth is you're living in denial you have no talents, at least not to my standard . No one speaks the truth. I do but have given up on it.

Many occasions when I speak the truth , people get defensive. How do you learn if you are not opened to truthful comments? So sick of it.... Being in this situation where you know it'll be the same 5 yrs later. Just because of people can't move.

When will I get a better job?
When will I get a better pay?
When will the band have our own concert?
When will I get married?
When will I buy my own house?
When will I have kids?
When will I be happy?
When will I die?

Where do I go from here?

What can I do now?
_______________________________________________________

Travelling to the CBD every mornings is a pain in the ass... I miss Bugis T.T
Now everywhere looks cold and boring.. ...

I have to endure..... Soon All these will change...
Soon I will bend my mind around all these.